Traditional Thai funeral of my best Thai friend (who loved motorcycles)

[KTMphil]

I had the unfortunate experience of having my best Thai friend pass away this week who is a one year younger than myself. It was total shock and still doesn't seem real at all. While in Chaing Mai, helping to build our restaurant, he rediscovered his passion for big bikes. He rode my BMW F 650 to Pai in a group and loved it.

 

[KTMphil]

Traditional Thai funeral ceremonies used to be a 7 day affair. This was because, in the past, it may have taken 2 days to locate important family members who'd migrated to distant rural farming areas normally because of marriage & then working with the spouse's farm. It would then maybe take them 2 more days to get to the location of the funeral, so plenty of time was needed. These days with iron buffalo's, tuk tuk's & Toyota Vigo's, 3 days is all that's needed.


No time to waste, my wife coincidentally already in the area with my truck, time to jump on the Triumph Street Triple 675 and head south east 700km.


It's a pretty nice ride down there, R 11 south to Phitsanaluk - beautiful R 12 to Phetchabun - R 21 south pass Kho Ko - then the sweeping R 225 east to Chaiyapum

Southbound passed the beautiful university in Phetchabun

Then onto the sweeping R 225

 

[KTMphil]

Managed to get down there with only 2 near death experiences from farm tuk tuk U-turners, it's not their fault, they just arn't used to vehicles especially motorcycles approaching so fast.


Arriving at the ceremony, this doesn't look like it will amount to much

Put 6 chanting monks up there and it's one of the most powerful, spiritual experiences out there

 

[KTMphil]

As well as being involved in construction, Noy was a highly respected, for being involved in local Government business. At 46 years old, he had been elected "Or Bor Dor" (a kind of Phu Yai Ban) twice before. Three days ago you may have noticed their were local elections in Thailand (pickups crawling the streets with loud speakers with candidates plastered on the sides), Noy was a candidate and this time didn't win, he was devastated & two days after the results died of a heart attack at 46 years old. Some say it was from working too hard, we'll never know.


The number of government officials, many high ranking in attendance was astonishing.

 

[KTMphil]

Gifts from family and friends that will be given to the Wat (temple)

I have a feeling this must have been a very senior government official, the only person out of 100's to approach the monks alone and was first.

Thai government officials then approached, each with an envelope for each of the 6 monks

Then us

 

[KTMphil]

Day 1 ends with ladies making "boye tan". 5 Bht pieces and candy are wrapped in clot

 

[KTMphil]

Day 2 -


Evening ceremony again, orange robes and flowers are given to the monks.

More prayer chanting

Close family & friends inside the house

Devastated family members offer envelopes with small donations to each monk

 

[KTMphil]

After the prayer ceremony was finished, time to feed 400 people

 

[KTMphil]

Day 3 isn't going to be fun at all.

 

[oldbloke]

Day 3 isn't going to be fun at all.

The thoughts of your many readers and friends will be with your friend's family, you, and your family. Another reminder of how fleeting this existence is.....

 

[KTMphil]

Day 3 - cremation day, the last chance for people from afar to say there final goodbye's

Remembrance photos are taken in family groups

Incense sticks known as "doc mai chan" are then blessed with the immediate family members

& passed to everyone in attendance for a prayer, then placed in front of the deceased

 

[KTMphil]

If the mother of the deceased is still alive (as in this case), this is normally when she becomes extremely emotional. The mother cannot cremate her child, so as the coffin is removed from the house this is the last time she will see her child

The religious, white string known as "si sin" is tied to the coffin and led to the monks in front of the car. The monks then lead the way for the coffin to the wat/ cremation location.

 

[KTMphil]

Arriving at the Wat (cremation chimney known as "men/ me-en")

The sai sin is led from the coffin up into the cremation incinerator in the Wat grounds

The coffin is then taken up inside and placed on a table outside the incinerator door

 

[KTMphil]

Noy had built several of the buildings in the Wat for free, the turn-out of monks that wanted to remember him blew you away

 

[KTMphil]

Final ceremony, what a turnout, we think more than 500 people in a remote rural area

 

[KTMphil]

Donations are then given to all the people and services involved in arranging this huge ceremony

& then a reading by a senior government official documenting the achievements in Noy's life, this had everyone chocked up.



Appreciation gifts for all the monks that have offered their blessing

 

[KTMphil]

We're now into the final stages of the cremation, immediate family, brothers and sisters stand and pray with everyone, there wasn't a dry eye

The monks approach the deceased and give him a final blessing

Followed by everyone in attendance who place a small prayer on a stick in front of him

Once this is done, it's time to start the cremation. Close family and friends then place "good smelling" foliage in the coffin with him, I was told this is to make him smell good while being cremated. Final goodbye's are said touching the deceased, many hysterical people close by. A coconut was then cracked over his head, each top edge of the coffin was struck with a big knife and he was placed in the incinerator.



Charcoal is used to cremate in rural areas . It burns at a much lower temperature than wood, which means there will be bone fragments that can be saved. When burned with wood there is only ash at the end.

 

[KTMphil]

The fire is lit, there is absolute silence

Immediate family members sit outside the incinerator door with monks and they prey

 

[KTMphil]

At first I had no idea what was going on here. Now that Noy has entered a new world he needs a house, some lengthy discussions on how it was going to be constructed.

It was soon underway

The reason they use something like this kitchen rack is because it can then be used in the Wat afterwards

Wax with pins will hold money onto the outside of his house for his new world

 

[LivinLOS]

If the mother of the deceased is still alive (as in this case), this is normally when she becomes extremely emotional. The mother cannot cremate her child, so as the coffin is removed from the house this is the last time she will see her child

Having done more than my fair share of funerals... And a bunch of weddings etc.. One thing thats struck me is how no two seem to be the same. Eg the above didnt apply to 2 I have been involved with that still had a mother alive.

Stuff like coins on the eyes gypsy style.. Open or closed coffins.. Spin the coffin 3 times, another 3 times round the temple.. The coins and candy wrapping thing only being at a couple of them.. Etc etc etc.

I also saw no clear regionalism to it either, multiple ones on Phuket all different, one in Samut Songkhram having some similarity but not others.. an Isaan one etc.

 

[KTMphil]

6am the next morning, the larger bone remains are saves for a casket. In 100 days there will be a ceremony where the bones will be cemented inside the Wat perimeter wall, in some other areas the bones are tossed into the local river or lake.


The remaining ashes are made into the shape of a person

Money (coins) are placed in the ashes on the body shape so that he has money for his new world, the new house with the money pinned on the outside has also been taken to the Wat

 

[KTMphil]

The Si Sin religious twine is then led from the ashes to the monks

The si sin is the fed across all of the monks too

Prayers before the ashes are put into the ground

A new set of clothes is then given for him for his new world and laid over the outline of the body in the ashes

 

[KTMphil]

The ashes are then placed in the grounds of the Wat, a small banana tree planted on top

Water is then poured onto the earth where the ashes are buried with a prayer

 

[KTMphil]

A final dinner party, the junior monks start things off with a rice offering ceremony for the elder monks

Then a rice offering for the monks from everyone

 

[KTMphil]

Feeding 500 can't be easy

 

[KTMphil]

There was a quiet last meal with Noy in his garden with close family. Special food, whisky & a cigarette each were all placed together, a final goodbye.

I was highly impressed with the way the ceremony physiologically drums in that the person is no longer with us. Immediate family members are forced, with the support that everyone that cares for them, to go through the ritual and feel part of a group.

 

[steaminjungle]

My thoughts are with you Phil. In fact due to wet eyes it took 2 attempts to sign in. When I arrived in MaeChan a few years ago one of the first locals we met was a lady who came to our house nearly every week to administer a Thai massage. Ploy was her name . A couple of years ago she fell ill to cancer but still came round to see us and once laughed at her lack of hair ( treatment for C ) and my lack of hair ( old age ). A few months ago she passed away and so many of your photos could well of been at her funeral , her daughter made us welcome and so did about a 100 friendly local Thais. We were being sheltered from the heat but up on the hill was the spot under some trees where she would finaly go . Only Thai funeral I have been to, very moving. Oh ,oh My G/children 3 years ago named next doors kitten Ploy and she is sitting on the wall right now.

 

[KTMphil]

A really moving ceremony, a real choker, the number of monks who wanted to pay their respects says it all.

My thoughts are with you Phil. In fact due to wet eyes it took 2 attempts to sign in. When I arrived in MaeChan a few years ago one of the first locals we met was a lady who came to our house nearly every week to administer a Thai massage. Ploy was her name . A couple of years ago she fell ill to cancer but still came round to see us and once laughed at her lack of hair ( treatment for C ) and my lack of hair ( old age ). A few months ago she passed away and so many of your photos could well of been at her funeral , her daughter made us welcome and so did about a 100 friendly local Thais. We were being sheltered from the heat but up on the hill was the spot under some trees where she would finaly go . Only Thai funeral I have been to, very moving. Oh ,oh My G/children 3 years ago named next doors kitten Ploy and she is sitting on the wall right now.

 

[brake034]

Phil, my condolences and thank you for sharing.

 

[marcusb]

Thanks for taking the time to share something so personal. Condolences to family members and friends.

 

[LivinLOS]

I was highly impressed with the way the ceremony physiologically drums in that the person is no longer with us. Immediate family members are forced, with the support that everyone that cares for them, to go through the ritual and feel part of a group.

Here I really agree..

When the first wife passed, her cremation was not at a charnel house like pictured but at a more simple kind of pyre.. The family asked me if I wanted an open or closed casket and having seen the body, and knowing her vanity and desire to always be attractive and well presented I felt she wouldn't have wanted to be seen so swollen and such.. But within minutes of the fire starting the casket burns and it's very obvious your seeing the final cremation of someone's physical form.

For me that was a much better way to somehow take on board they have gone.. Far better than a closed box in the ground IMO.

Also at one of the funerals, the lady had died in the night, we got a call and drove straight there and at dawn the family (and me) washed the body before placing it in fresh clothes in the casket.. Handling the cold corpse was a trip for me, picking up and moving a cold body etc.. But again it mentally cements the idea that the person is gone, only the flesh remains.

 

[2wheels]

Very well documented Phil; thanks for sharing a very sad and personal experience.

 

[monsterman]

My condolences ,, and so young too, the Thai way of funerals seems in many respects far superior to western way ,less bleak ,more support and dignity

 

[BillyBaht]

Condolences and very thoughtful sharing of your friends passing ceremony

 

[skeedary]

As you know Phil, I have just been through a funeral arrangement also, and the deep traditional ways were intriguing and very moving.